What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 02:04
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
In bed, not in music, which is better, a drummer or a bass player?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
What are some creepy bestiality-promoting questions obviously asked for sexual gratification?
What did i know ?
Comes on , in middle age.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
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Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Does the Hamas charter specifically call for the death of all Jews and the destruction of Israel?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I have no regrets .
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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
What sets porcini mushrooms apart from other types of mushrooms, such as button mushrooms?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why do I sweat so much at the gym?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My life is so biszare .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I write beautiful poetry .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I said to her
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was very sick at this time too.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
When she asked me how she looked .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But it wasn’t much.
Would this be the day?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Put me off passion for life!!
We all went to grammer schools
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And i lived it daily.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She married twice! .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
This is soul school!.
I was scared of men, in general
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
(And it was in our own minds.)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
So, i spoilt her more .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was in good health!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I will be 64.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He knew the spot.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Especially a lifetime of it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Was to survive, this bastard.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I don,t even have a pension.
She loved him until the end.
So whats the point in blame.
I waited trembling.
One cannot live in the past .
My family never makes their pension either.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Im still living with it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was seconnd youngest,
I could never make a relationship work though!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I think the readers, may guess!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Ive learnt so much.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I never cut or harmed myself..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
All the time i was locked up.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We were not on the streets..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why did i forgive my father ?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But, we were locked up after school.
She found it foreign!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Who then, do I blame.?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As i do to all so called friends.?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was 9 years of age.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
It was going to be , some day.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.